Posture affects our mood

I believe our body posture has a huge impact on our mood and how were interpret what is going on in our daily lives. Our positive or negative stance will ultimately determine the way we perceive information from the world around us. My own body posture has had a huge effect on my attitude and persona. A song that constantly plays through my mind until my subconscious brain believes it to be true, is a song from my childhood sung by Val Doonican called “Walk Tall”.

“Walk tall, walk straight and look the world right in the eye. That’s what my mama told me when I was about knee high. She said son be a proud man and hold your head up high. Walk tall, walk straight and look the world right in the eye”.

Whenever I stooped and hid my face, whenever I dropped my glaze and tried to get lost in the crowd, good old Val starts singing to me from his famous rocking chair. I realised that gravity wasn’t pulling me down, it was my lazy demeanour that was too comfortable and was creating the same effect on my mood.

Next time you read a book try to be mindful of your posture. Read a section hunched over the pages and then again with your head up and shoulders back. Although the words are the same it’s amazing how you will interpret the text in a different way. You will change your task from a chore to a pleasure and register the content more easily.

Now try the same thing when you talk to other people. Allow your back to straighten and forehead to lift. Pull your shoulders back and smile. There are so many books written on body language and posture, yet we all fail to adopt these techniques in our everyday life. Even when you talk to people on the telephone, your posture determines your tone and how others receive your message.

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A challenge or a chore? It's the same task

Isn't it strange how one person sees a task as a chore, whereas someone else sees it as a challenge, yet it is the same task? Attitude controls our perception and installs our passion. It will either make us receptive or defensive.

We generally consider the word "attitude" to be a negative trait, but if you take attitude in the correct context, it can be a very powerful motivator to strive and achieve. Someone with a positive attitude will drive forward taking obstacles in their stride, creating opportunities and changing outcomes. Someone with a negative attitude can create barriers to be defensive and sabotage change. 

Naturally in our daily life we sit somewhere in the middle. Circumstances, stimuli and emotions, can all be factors that determine our attitude at any specific time. Being mindful that we have the power to affect our attitude, it will ultimately determine the outcome. It is interesting to consider that we can control our attitude rather than letting our attitude control us. Are we a passenger in our vehicle of life or are we the driver? The choice is yours.

I believe emotion to be a reactive state brought on by what has happened. Therefore attitude is our conscious effort to make something happen. It is proactive and within our control to change the future. Everyone must have a reason to do something, whether that to be through choice or necessity but attitude creates our passion and our desire.

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Inspired Leaders, Creative Managers and You

Inspired leaders grow their business organically by sharing their belief. They hold their vision high so everyone can see what they stand for and share their passion to achieve the result. Inspired leaders spark our imagination and excite us to belong to something bigger than our own contribution. They influence the way that people feel and nurture their self-esteem.

Creative managers don’t need budgets to succeed, they think outside the box and utilise the resources they already have. They manage how people think, how people feel and how people behave. Creative managers are enthusiastic to challenge the status quo. They create a culture that is committed to a “common cause”.

I believe that success isn’t measured by profit, that’s just a tool to keep the process going. There is something bigger at play that inspires leaders and creates managers to flourish. I believe that taking ownership of “the purpose” is what we all strive for and the reason why we prosper. The aim to focus on the way that we feel and then harvest the rewards which are generated from that.

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Mike Bowden

Loyalty is never about money

I recently had a conversation about Succession Planning with an Accountant that I knew. I asked him what his plans where when he wanted to retire. He happily informed me that he would sell his client list and reap the rewards. I agreed with him that his assets consisted of a series of relationships but challenged him on how loyal they would be.

I suggested 50% of his client would discontinue the relationship with the new owner almost immediately and the others would dwindle away over a period of time, reducing the value of his treasured list. He became quite protective of his prized database, but I explained further what I meant by it.

I suggested for example, that if the dentist he used decided to sell their practice, it would create a change point where their clients would have an opportunity to re-evaluate their relationship with that surgery. After all they would have no knowledge of the new dentist. They would have a choice, either to shop around for a new dentist or give unknown loyalty to the new business owner. They could possibly opt for another surgery that was either nearer, cheaper or by referral, but whatever the outcome an indirect choice had been given to them.

The accountant’s business was no different; he was trying to entice clients because of what he did rather than why he did it. He was relying on the commitment of his clients without giving any emotional value back. He wasn’t trying to get his customers to engage with his common cause or believes, so there is no tangible reason why should they remain loyal.

He had made himself a commodity within own business and the possible demise of his life’s work didn’t make him feel great. He started to realise the need for emotional satisfaction for himself and his customers that would satisfy their existence. He had to create an engaging commitment that was far more than money alone. He had to find a way of getting his clients to buy into his passionate for business and why they should remain loyal to his brand, even after he had gone.

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Creating space to grow

How often do we cocoon ourselves with people that no longer serve us but are too afraid to change the status quo? I’ve reflected on many people, including myself, as to the true value of these relationships and how they could be holding us back.

If you imagine your environment to be a forest and your relationships are trees. The more dominant characters create a canopy which blocks out the sunshine and stifles the eco-system. When one of these mighty trees fall, sunlight can nurture the forest floor and encourage growth of new saplings, which otherwise would never had a chance to exist.

I appreciate that it can be a tough decision to let go of situations and people that suppress us, but better alternatives could be waiting to develop if only we gave them the space to grow.

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It's not essential to be liked

Typically we are all social creatures that want to be accepted by society in general. Often we strive for approval through popularity and yearn for the need to be liked, but is this a true measure of our worth?

Although it is nice to be liked it is not essential in shaping the person that you are. Whether you are liked or loathed, it isn’t your responsibility to chase after someone else’s opinion of you. Whatever you do will be judged by them regardless of how you do it, therefore their perception of you is formed without your control. Some people may be drawn to you for personality or appearance whereas other people may be repelled by it, but you can’t change that. It is an impossible task to be all things for all people, but often that is what we try to achieve. When we don’t get the response we crave for, we feel let down and rejected.

Surely it is more important to be respected for your influence and ability which are more tangible aspects of your personality rather than someone’s personal opinion about you. Forthright people such as Alan Sugar may not be your choice of social company but there will be an element of respect for what he has achieved. 

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A pane of glass on a rainy day

If you have ever watched a pane of glass on a rainy day you will realise water doesn’t go in a straight line, it follows the path of least resistance. If this is true then surely we should follow nature’s path within everything that we do.

We interact with people and expect some sort of behaviour from them, assuming that if we encourage and persuade them enough they will like us and want to engage with us. We strive to profit in some way from our relationships regardless of how aligned we are.

Alternatively we could take a proactive approach and behave in such a way to be aligned to them to encourage rapport. This may feel alien and uncomfortable to us, forcing us to be insincere and unauthentic.

Either way the harder the dynamics of the relationship the more effort required to win the prize.  Surely the goal is to follow nature and find people that are aligned to our values and beliefs. Actively find people that aren’t resistant to us will create the easier successes and stronger relationships.

We naturally gel with some people and have personality clashes with others. In social setting we can choose more freely, whom we want to associate with but business scenarios have a different motivation. But there is no reason why we can adopt similar principles to gain greater success by honing our efforts on people of least resistance.

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Love is spelt T-I-M-E

I was always very ambitious in my career, trying to carve the best professional path I could. It was partly for my own satisfaction and partly to help us get out of the escalating debt we were subjecting ourselves to. I wanted to establish a secure future for my family so we could reduce stresses that were dragging us down.

I knew there would have to be a period of hardship to endure before we could reap the rewards of our labours. I worked every hour I could, including evenings and weekend in an effort to provide. Eventually working 60 hours a week became the norm.

Through guilt of not being at home I lavished my children with material trinkets to try and justify my lack of involvement in their daily lives. I tried to buy their affections by providing a nice house and treated them to holidays whenever I could to give us some quality time, but it never felt enough. I created a perpetual cycle of having to work more to pay for the guilt of not being there.

It was only in more recent years, when my daughters were adults themselves that I realised children spell the word love T-I-M-E. I got things so badly wrong during their upbringing, they didn’t need material gratification they needed my time. In my quest to provide I couldn’t see the missing ingredient that would show them that I loved them.

Naturally if I could turn the hands of time and replay my life things would be different but I can’t, those missing years can never be replaced nor the experiences that could have been shared.

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Will you be remembered?

I'm  interested to know if you would be content going through life being that pleasant person that no one really gets to know and is very difficult to be remembered. Being that person that people struggle to recognise your face and forget your name doesn’t make you feel great, but it’s safe in our own comfort zone. 

I can’t even ask you to recall a person like this, because they don’t exist, or actually don’t exist to you because they have never made an impact on your world. You will never remember these people because they are blurred objects in your line of vision. I may sound a little harsh but you don’t have a reason to remember them. How would you feel being that nameless, faceless person that ends up on a plaque in the corner of a graveyard?

It sucks, doesn’t it?

I believe that it should be everyone’s aim in life to be noticed by people around us, to create some sort of impact on other people, so we are remembered in a positive way. I’m not advocating an arrogant or forceful approach, just standing out from the crowds for the positive way we help other people.

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Chase emotions not goals

We have all been ingrained to chase after our goals, as this appears to be a measure of our success. Often we fail because we are chasing after the wrong thing. If we are determined and have a certain amount of luck we may be fortunate to achieve our goal, often but that is not enough to achieve success. How do you feel when you miss out?

For example if we chase after a million pounds, it maybe is a nice thing to have it but it is not inspiring in anyway. The money achieved is merely the result not the reward. How you feel when you spend the money is the emotional reward that you receive, therefore the money is merely a tool to get there.

Imagine your goal as if you were baking a cake. The plan is to go shopping for the ingredients, the strategy is how you blend them all together and delivery is putting the mixture into the oven. Hurray you’ve made a cake, but it isn’t very inspiring, most motivated people can follow a similar process. Regardless of whether the cake turns out to be a success or failure, you have still achieved your aim to bake a cake.

So do you leave your results to chance and accept meritocracy or do you want to aspire to something that bigger than that? Think about your baked creation and how it makes you feel, the smell of the sweet ingredients, the perfect appearance of the fluffy masterpiece and the pride you feel when you know that it’s turned out really well. You can now understand “what’s in it for you” that feeling behind the task.

Now focus on how others salivate over your masterpiece, rave over your achievements and aspire to bake a creation worthy to compete; now you are starting to create a legacy. You will be known as the person who encouraged them to cook and be remembered for how you make them feel when they have a baking success, that’s “what’s in it for them”.

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A pane of glass on a rainy day

Boiling the frog

Toxic relationships of any kind can slip under our radar and go unnoticed until we become consumed and suffocated by them. They creep up on you like silent assassins and often take hold of our well-being long before we notice. The same applies to our comfort zone and often we don’t realise how painful a situation is until it’s already too late. It becomes more difficult to change as we have already formed an attachment, so we try to justify the discomfort as being acceptable.

If you were to place a frog in a saucepan of boiling water, it would instantly feel pain and hop straight out. It knows that it’s a harmful environment to be in and takes instant action to survive.

If you were to place a frog in a saucepan of cold water it would feel safe and comfortable. Then turning up the heat slowing would go unnoticed by the creature inside. Eventually the water would reach boiling point and the frog would die without realising the danger.

Often we engulf ourselves in situations, which may suit us initially, but when we out grow them they become more harmful that good. If we are mindful enough to recognise the signs we are the lucky ones, but often we go passed the point of no return and struggle to let go of the poisonous scenario. It would be interesting to look at your own situations and decide at what point you need to change, before the pain becomes unbearable.

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Don't be frightened to say NO

Many times people say to us “could you just do this for me?” when we really don’t have the time but we don’t want to offend them. The reality is whether you have enough time to spare to complete their request without suffering as a consequence of taking on this extra task.

We tend to fear upsetting others by saying NO and assume some sort of reprisal or hostility. Let’s reverse the roles and assume you asked someone to help you and they politely told you “I’m really sorry I can’t do that I’m too busy” I doubt that you would be offended. I’m sure you would understand that they meant no malice by their comments and you would find an alternative solution.

Therefore is our intention of taking on more than we can achieve an act of charitable goodwill or is it self-sabotage so we can become a martyr? You need to do what’s best for you at that specific time, so that you are in a position to help others when the spare time arises. Like many of us, I have been brought up to be a “people pleaser” to make everyone around us happy. We do this in the hope that the results will make us happy. Sometimes this works, but quite often it doesn’t and we feel short-changed as a result.

Whenever you travel on an aeroplane, the stewardess always tells you to fit your own facemask in an emergency before helping someone else. That’s not being selfish; it’s ensuring you get what you need so you have the time to help others.

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You get what you focus on

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I’ve noticed so many times through my life that people tend to get what they focus on, whether that is good or bad. We often anticipate a problem so guess what that’s what happens, it seems like we are a magnet for everything that we are trying to avoid. Not only do we attract negativity due to our focus, but it also distorts any solutions to correct the situation. Many times the result can be worse than problem that we started with.

Many years ago I worked for a furniture company. A family run transport contractor was assigned to deliver our goods to customer’s homes. The owner of that company was proud to let his son deliver the goods in his brand new removal lorry. The lad was only just turned twenty years old and went out on his own for the first time.

He was driving along the road and failed to steer around a tight bend. The lorry came off the road and headed in a straight line across a ploughed field and crashed into the only tree in the field. He was focusing so much on the crash that he forgot to apply the brakes or turn the steering wheel.

It is easy to focus on the negative things in life, all the obstacles and barriers we face. We can visualise things going wrong and make a catastrophe of the outcome before we begin, but that only gives us what we see as the result. Paint your picture of what you want rather than tainting the image with negativity. You have to believe in a positive outcome if that is what you really want.

Goal is a hollow word

I personally, am not a fan of the words “goal” or “objective” which are bantered around so freely without any true meaning. I find the words hollow and sterile because they are words without emotion. I prefer to focus more emotional charged words that get your pulse racing and a smile on your face, words such as “passion” or “desire”, imaginative words like “dream” or “vision” which paint a picture of a thousand words.

I agree that it’s so important to focus on the outcome to understand the journey. But, I believe there is far more benefit to achieve what you truly want if it generates a feeling. Following a typical SMART goal can be sterile and meaningless, often creating a response of “never mind I tried” when you don’t achieve what you set out to do.

Let me explain what I mean, if you are one of the lucky few who achieve your “goal” then you tend to look at it and think what’s next. It doesn’t create any great sense of satisfaction; it’s just a process, a stepping stone to something else, but what?

Let me give you an example. If your “goal” was to earn a million pound, in reality it’s just numbers on a bank statement. If you now imagine what that money will buy you, things become difference. Suppose that money bought you a yacht, now how do you feel on that boat. Can you now feel the wind on your face, the smell of the sea and the sound of the gulls? You are chasing after the experience and the money becomes merely a tool to get you there.

Focus on the feeling every time and it will turbo-charged your journey into and emotionally charged challenge where failure becomes too painful for you to comprehend. 

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Blindly going where others won't

I today chatted at length to the most inspirational guy that I have ever met. This unassuming man in his late fifties could easily be passed by and go unnoticed. He sat with confident grace soaking up the atmosphere of his surroundings and I’m sure in his mind every detail was being logged firmly into his memory.

I had earlier heard a brief presentation from the man affectionately known as “Blind Dave” at an event we both attended. He gave a short but very humorous account of his new book “From Light to Dark” and I was compelled to buy a copy.

Dave Heeley is a local man that lost his sight over three decades ago, but his handicap has never held him back from achieving things beyond our wildest dreams. He is the first and only blind person in the world to have completed the ultimate endurance challenge 7 marathons in 7 days on 7 continents. He has run marathons through The Sahara Desert and cycled/ran the length of the country completing 10 marathons in 10 days, just to name a few of his amazing achievements.

By chance, we met later the same day at another event. This time I had the ultimate pleasure of chatting to him in depth, having the opportunity to ask him details of his extraordinary challenges, which he willing obliged to share his stories. This charismatic guy has unbelievable courage and commitment to everything that he attempts. I was mesmerized as he recalled in detail some of his achievements and hung on every word like a schoolboy listening to his favourite teacher.

I sincerely wish him every success for his new book which I’m sure, will ooze passion and humanity from every page. Good luck with the next challenge in June and I’ll be cheering you on all the way.

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Change is in the detail

We tend to create habits in our routine that for some reason we never seem to break. This could be due to us being in our comfort zone, or just being absent-minded about situations but when they no longer serve us, they can cause frustration and pain. Often we are oblivious to our routines until something snaps and forces us into action.

 

Henry Ford’s saying "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got" and it is so true. If we want change the results that we get, then we have to change something in our life. Even if you alter one detail in our pattern, it’ll be surprising what a difference it can make.

A friend of mine always left home at 8.30am to take the children to school before work. The queues of traffic on the school lane would frustrate him. He would then struggle to get parked at the school gates, and then once again fight his way through the traffic to get to work on time. The whole episode was a stressful experience and would put him in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

He decided to change his routine. He began to leave his home at 8.15am, park his car at the end of the school lane and walked the children to school. He enjoyed the exercise and smiled at the other motorists stuck in the mayhem. He would take the children into school, then walk or sometimes jog back to his car, before the onward journey. He would still get to work at the same time, but he felt refreshed and ready for his working day. His mood was different because he did something different.

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Emotionally what do you sell?

One business story that I was told to me many years ago has changed the way I look at the world and how I think about any business contact that I have. Whether it is true or not I’m unsure but the moral is worth hearing.

Allegedly the Parker Pen factory employed a business consultant to analyse the company and offer recommendations to help the business to become more profitable. The consultant spent a week talking to as many people as he could on all levels within the business. He watched, he studied and he wrote up his report.

On the final day he was expected to give his findings to the panel of directors. He entered the boardroom to see in front of him a long table with several stony faces staring back at him. There was obviously tension from some of the board of director’s, feeling uncomfortable with what was about to be said. It would highlight some people’s shortcomings and clearly some members where squirming in their seats.

The consultant faced the panel and said, “before I give my report can I ask you one question, what do you make?” The chairman roared at the consultant, clearly taking the comments as a person attack. The chairman said, “we have paid you a large sum of money to conduct a report on our company and you ask what we make, we make pens of course!”

The consultant remained calm and replied, “no you don’t make pens, you make presents”. Clearly the directors of the company had been so consumed by the practicalities of running a business that they forgot why the business was in existence, they have overlooked their sole purpose they were in the business of make memories.

I have had several Parker pens over the years and I can never remember buying one for myself. Every writing item from this company has come as a gift for various reasons and I’m sure that most people feel the same. This large company that everyone knows so well isn’t a stationery supplier, they are a creator of memories every time someone uses their product, their pen just happens to be the tool that gets the result.

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Are you a carmaker or a driver?

Imagine we are stood in a factory and I give you lots of spare parts. There are wheels and seats, a shiny new engine and several body parts. I give you a box of small component parts, an instruction book and all the tools you will ever need.

You work tirelessly for weeks constructing a new car from all the parts until one day you turn the ignition key and its fires up, bringing new life to elements that individually meant nothing. With a huge sense of pride you climb inside and start to drive the car around the factory. The feeling of achievement and satisfaction are making you burst with happiness.

The question is, are you a carmaker or a driver?

A carmaker will go back to the factory and find all the component parts to make another car and do the same things over again and again. Although he could improve on his machine, no one was there to share his labours. The process has a result but it is sterile and repetitive. Eventually the pain becomes greater than the pleasure, so the carmaker makes no more cars.

A driver will revel in the experience and tell everyone else how fantastic it is to drive a car. He will enthuse how brilliant it was to complete his first motoring masterpiece and broadcast how wonderful it would be to go faster. He would encourage everyone around him to get excited about his vision until other people started to build his next project. They would want to satisfy his need for going faster and to enjoy the glory of being part of his history.

A legacy is born from passion and desire. Getting noticed by the people who believe in what you believe and share the positive emotions you express creates it. No one noticed the carmaker regardless of how hard he worked, so no one followed him. 

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