Mike Bowden

Loyalty is never about money

I recently had a conversation about Succession Planning with an Accountant that I knew. I asked him what his plans where when he wanted to retire. He happily informed me that he would sell his client list and reap the rewards. I agreed with him that his assets consisted of a series of relationships but challenged him on how loyal they would be.

I suggested 50% of his client would discontinue the relationship with the new owner almost immediately and the others would dwindle away over a period of time, reducing the value of his treasured list. He became quite protective of his prized database, but I explained further what I meant by it.

I suggested for example, that if the dentist he used decided to sell their practice, it would create a change point where their clients would have an opportunity to re-evaluate their relationship with that surgery. After all they would have no knowledge of the new dentist. They would have a choice, either to shop around for a new dentist or give unknown loyalty to the new business owner. They could possibly opt for another surgery that was either nearer, cheaper or by referral, but whatever the outcome an indirect choice had been given to them.

The accountant’s business was no different; he was trying to entice clients because of what he did rather than why he did it. He was relying on the commitment of his clients without giving any emotional value back. He wasn’t trying to get his customers to engage with his common cause or believes, so there is no tangible reason why should they remain loyal.

He had made himself a commodity within own business and the possible demise of his life’s work didn’t make him feel great. He started to realise the need for emotional satisfaction for himself and his customers that would satisfy their existence. He had to create an engaging commitment that was far more than money alone. He had to find a way of getting his clients to buy into his passionate for business and why they should remain loyal to his brand, even after he had gone.

http://www.mikebowden.uk/

Creating space to grow

How often do we cocoon ourselves with people that no longer serve us but are too afraid to change the status quo? I’ve reflected on many people, including myself, as to the true value of these relationships and how they could be holding us back.

If you imagine your environment to be a forest and your relationships are trees. The more dominant characters create a canopy which blocks out the sunshine and stifles the eco-system. When one of these mighty trees fall, sunlight can nurture the forest floor and encourage growth of new saplings, which otherwise would never had a chance to exist.

I appreciate that it can be a tough decision to let go of situations and people that suppress us, but better alternatives could be waiting to develop if only we gave them the space to grow.

http://www.mikebowden.uk/

It's not essential to be liked

Typically we are all social creatures that want to be accepted by society in general. Often we strive for approval through popularity and yearn for the need to be liked, but is this a true measure of our worth?

Although it is nice to be liked it is not essential in shaping the person that you are. Whether you are liked or loathed, it isn’t your responsibility to chase after someone else’s opinion of you. Whatever you do will be judged by them regardless of how you do it, therefore their perception of you is formed without your control. Some people may be drawn to you for personality or appearance whereas other people may be repelled by it, but you can’t change that. It is an impossible task to be all things for all people, but often that is what we try to achieve. When we don’t get the response we crave for, we feel let down and rejected.

Surely it is more important to be respected for your influence and ability which are more tangible aspects of your personality rather than someone’s personal opinion about you. Forthright people such as Alan Sugar may not be your choice of social company but there will be an element of respect for what he has achieved. 

 http://www.mikebowden.uk

A pane of glass on a rainy day

If you have ever watched a pane of glass on a rainy day you will realise water doesn’t go in a straight line, it follows the path of least resistance. If this is true then surely we should follow nature’s path within everything that we do.

We interact with people and expect some sort of behaviour from them, assuming that if we encourage and persuade them enough they will like us and want to engage with us. We strive to profit in some way from our relationships regardless of how aligned we are.

Alternatively we could take a proactive approach and behave in such a way to be aligned to them to encourage rapport. This may feel alien and uncomfortable to us, forcing us to be insincere and unauthentic.

Either way the harder the dynamics of the relationship the more effort required to win the prize.  Surely the goal is to follow nature and find people that are aligned to our values and beliefs. Actively find people that aren’t resistant to us will create the easier successes and stronger relationships.

We naturally gel with some people and have personality clashes with others. In social setting we can choose more freely, whom we want to associate with but business scenarios have a different motivation. But there is no reason why we can adopt similar principles to gain greater success by honing our efforts on people of least resistance.

 http://www.mikebowden.uk/

Love is spelt T-I-M-E

I was always very ambitious in my career, trying to carve the best professional path I could. It was partly for my own satisfaction and partly to help us get out of the escalating debt we were subjecting ourselves to. I wanted to establish a secure future for my family so we could reduce stresses that were dragging us down.

I knew there would have to be a period of hardship to endure before we could reap the rewards of our labours. I worked every hour I could, including evenings and weekend in an effort to provide. Eventually working 60 hours a week became the norm.

Through guilt of not being at home I lavished my children with material trinkets to try and justify my lack of involvement in their daily lives. I tried to buy their affections by providing a nice house and treated them to holidays whenever I could to give us some quality time, but it never felt enough. I created a perpetual cycle of having to work more to pay for the guilt of not being there.

It was only in more recent years, when my daughters were adults themselves that I realised children spell the word love T-I-M-E. I got things so badly wrong during their upbringing, they didn’t need material gratification they needed my time. In my quest to provide I couldn’t see the missing ingredient that would show them that I loved them.

Naturally if I could turn the hands of time and replay my life things would be different but I can’t, those missing years can never be replaced nor the experiences that could have been shared.

http://www.mikebowden.uk/

Will you be remembered?

I'm  interested to know if you would be content going through life being that pleasant person that no one really gets to know and is very difficult to be remembered. Being that person that people struggle to recognise your face and forget your name doesn’t make you feel great, but it’s safe in our own comfort zone. 

I can’t even ask you to recall a person like this, because they don’t exist, or actually don’t exist to you because they have never made an impact on your world. You will never remember these people because they are blurred objects in your line of vision. I may sound a little harsh but you don’t have a reason to remember them. How would you feel being that nameless, faceless person that ends up on a plaque in the corner of a graveyard?

It sucks, doesn’t it?

I believe that it should be everyone’s aim in life to be noticed by people around us, to create some sort of impact on other people, so we are remembered in a positive way. I’m not advocating an arrogant or forceful approach, just standing out from the crowds for the positive way we help other people.

http://www.mikebowden.uk/

Chase emotions not goals

We have all been ingrained to chase after our goals, as this appears to be a measure of our success. Often we fail because we are chasing after the wrong thing. If we are determined and have a certain amount of luck we may be fortunate to achieve our goal, often but that is not enough to achieve success. How do you feel when you miss out?

For example if we chase after a million pounds, it maybe is a nice thing to have it but it is not inspiring in anyway. The money achieved is merely the result not the reward. How you feel when you spend the money is the emotional reward that you receive, therefore the money is merely a tool to get there.

Imagine your goal as if you were baking a cake. The plan is to go shopping for the ingredients, the strategy is how you blend them all together and delivery is putting the mixture into the oven. Hurray you’ve made a cake, but it isn’t very inspiring, most motivated people can follow a similar process. Regardless of whether the cake turns out to be a success or failure, you have still achieved your aim to bake a cake.

So do you leave your results to chance and accept meritocracy or do you want to aspire to something that bigger than that? Think about your baked creation and how it makes you feel, the smell of the sweet ingredients, the perfect appearance of the fluffy masterpiece and the pride you feel when you know that it’s turned out really well. You can now understand “what’s in it for you” that feeling behind the task.

Now focus on how others salivate over your masterpiece, rave over your achievements and aspire to bake a creation worthy to compete; now you are starting to create a legacy. You will be known as the person who encouraged them to cook and be remembered for how you make them feel when they have a baking success, that’s “what’s in it for them”.

http://www.mikebowden.uk/

A pane of glass on a rainy day

Boiling the frog

Toxic relationships of any kind can slip under our radar and go unnoticed until we become consumed and suffocated by them. They creep up on you like silent assassins and often take hold of our well-being long before we notice. The same applies to our comfort zone and often we don’t realise how painful a situation is until it’s already too late. It becomes more difficult to change as we have already formed an attachment, so we try to justify the discomfort as being acceptable.

If you were to place a frog in a saucepan of boiling water, it would instantly feel pain and hop straight out. It knows that it’s a harmful environment to be in and takes instant action to survive.

If you were to place a frog in a saucepan of cold water it would feel safe and comfortable. Then turning up the heat slowing would go unnoticed by the creature inside. Eventually the water would reach boiling point and the frog would die without realising the danger.

Often we engulf ourselves in situations, which may suit us initially, but when we out grow them they become more harmful that good. If we are mindful enough to recognise the signs we are the lucky ones, but often we go passed the point of no return and struggle to let go of the poisonous scenario. It would be interesting to look at your own situations and decide at what point you need to change, before the pain becomes unbearable.

http://www.mikebowden.uk/

Don't be frightened to say NO

Many times people say to us “could you just do this for me?” when we really don’t have the time but we don’t want to offend them. The reality is whether you have enough time to spare to complete their request without suffering as a consequence of taking on this extra task.

We tend to fear upsetting others by saying NO and assume some sort of reprisal or hostility. Let’s reverse the roles and assume you asked someone to help you and they politely told you “I’m really sorry I can’t do that I’m too busy” I doubt that you would be offended. I’m sure you would understand that they meant no malice by their comments and you would find an alternative solution.

Therefore is our intention of taking on more than we can achieve an act of charitable goodwill or is it self-sabotage so we can become a martyr? You need to do what’s best for you at that specific time, so that you are in a position to help others when the spare time arises. Like many of us, I have been brought up to be a “people pleaser” to make everyone around us happy. We do this in the hope that the results will make us happy. Sometimes this works, but quite often it doesn’t and we feel short-changed as a result.

Whenever you travel on an aeroplane, the stewardess always tells you to fit your own facemask in an emergency before helping someone else. That’s not being selfish; it’s ensuring you get what you need so you have the time to help others.

http://www.mikebowden.uk/

You get what you focus on

http://www.mikebowden.uk

I’ve noticed so many times through my life that people tend to get what they focus on, whether that is good or bad. We often anticipate a problem so guess what that’s what happens, it seems like we are a magnet for everything that we are trying to avoid. Not only do we attract negativity due to our focus, but it also distorts any solutions to correct the situation. Many times the result can be worse than problem that we started with.

Many years ago I worked for a furniture company. A family run transport contractor was assigned to deliver our goods to customer’s homes. The owner of that company was proud to let his son deliver the goods in his brand new removal lorry. The lad was only just turned twenty years old and went out on his own for the first time.

He was driving along the road and failed to steer around a tight bend. The lorry came off the road and headed in a straight line across a ploughed field and crashed into the only tree in the field. He was focusing so much on the crash that he forgot to apply the brakes or turn the steering wheel.

It is easy to focus on the negative things in life, all the obstacles and barriers we face. We can visualise things going wrong and make a catastrophe of the outcome before we begin, but that only gives us what we see as the result. Paint your picture of what you want rather than tainting the image with negativity. You have to believe in a positive outcome if that is what you really want.